How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse
It's getting all zombie apocalypse-ish around these parts.
This is Las Vegas, and therefore it is probably one of the most likely places to suffer the first round of brain-eating in a zombie invasion. After all, lots of gamblers and pleasure seekers walk around the casino floors half dead to begin with. So they are natural candidates for zombie-hood.
But let's be more specific here. I am the mother of 4 children, and the youngest is just 8 weeks old. Can you see where this is going? I'm saying that motherhood is like having your brains eaten and being turned into a monster from the grave. Personally, I think my own transformation has already begun. I walk around in a daze most of the time. I give those Las Vegas gamblers and pleasure seekers a run for their money when it comes to zombie-like behavior. Except my staggering around aimlessly is not by choice. The fact that they willingly choose to do other things at night besides sleep tells me their brains have clearly already been eaten.
The other symptoms besides loss of brains, a staggering walk and incoherence is their body falling apart. I have that aspect down pat. While I may not dropped off a section of my nose or fingers (yet), I have thrown out my back and most recently, seem to have developed an awful pain in the neck. No, I'm not referring to my kids. I mean literally, I have a pain. In the neck.
Perhaps this is due to those crazy pregnancy hormones that make it possible to pass a human being through your loins. "Relaxin," I think its called. Convenient name, don't you think? See, because it relaxes all your ligaments and whatnot so your pelvic bones can separate from their intended position. Awesome stuff, that Relaxin hormone.
So now that I have super relaxed ligaments and joints, its really easy for other bits and pieces of me to shift out of place. Like my spinal column and my neck bones.
So, how do you survive the zombie apocalypse? Well, that's easy, you just have to become a mother and go incognito amongst the undead. Boom. Solved it.
This is Las Vegas, and therefore it is probably one of the most likely places to suffer the first round of brain-eating in a zombie invasion. After all, lots of gamblers and pleasure seekers walk around the casino floors half dead to begin with. So they are natural candidates for zombie-hood.
But let's be more specific here. I am the mother of 4 children, and the youngest is just 8 weeks old. Can you see where this is going? I'm saying that motherhood is like having your brains eaten and being turned into a monster from the grave. Personally, I think my own transformation has already begun. I walk around in a daze most of the time. I give those Las Vegas gamblers and pleasure seekers a run for their money when it comes to zombie-like behavior. Except my staggering around aimlessly is not by choice. The fact that they willingly choose to do other things at night besides sleep tells me their brains have clearly already been eaten.
The other symptoms besides loss of brains, a staggering walk and incoherence is their body falling apart. I have that aspect down pat. While I may not dropped off a section of my nose or fingers (yet), I have thrown out my back and most recently, seem to have developed an awful pain in the neck. No, I'm not referring to my kids. I mean literally, I have a pain. In the neck.
Perhaps this is due to those crazy pregnancy hormones that make it possible to pass a human being through your loins. "Relaxin," I think its called. Convenient name, don't you think? See, because it relaxes all your ligaments and whatnot so your pelvic bones can separate from their intended position. Awesome stuff, that Relaxin hormone.
So now that I have super relaxed ligaments and joints, its really easy for other bits and pieces of me to shift out of place. Like my spinal column and my neck bones.
So, how do you survive the zombie apocalypse? Well, that's easy, you just have to become a mother and go incognito amongst the undead. Boom. Solved it.
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